You are in a mall when the zombies attack.
You have:
1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.


1. my weapon would be the lancer assault riffle with chainsaw or boomshot from gears.
2. the song would be explosive by bond.
3. the famous person i'd want there with me would be harry potter. :p

*cuban bread.
*mayo.
*mustard.
*salt.
*munster cheese. alot.
*fried egg.
*turkey. (slices.)
*those little tiny fries (like the ones from like un pan con bistec.)
*slices of deli sliced porke.
*little bit of lettuce.
*one slice of tomatoe.

*omg im soooo hungry now.!

add just about anything. i'll eat it.
lol

NINJAS ^ ^

....is wait.

Show was fucking amazing.
Lights where awesome.
House of Cards, my fav song, was played in Encore #3.
Wish it couldve lasted longer. lol.

pics.



















the aftermath:

unfortunately...

:[

SO ITS BEEN KNOWN BY MY CLOSE PPL THAT IVE BEEN VERY DEPRESSED AND SAD FOR ALMOST A MONTH ALREADY. HEARTACHES ARE THE WORSE AND THEYVE HIT ME HARD. I MISS MY LOVE WILLIAM TERRIBLY AND NOT SEEING HIM IS LITERALLY MAKING ME SICK. I'M TRYING, AS MANY KNOW, TO KEEP BREATHING AND KEEP MY MIND BUSY WITH PPL AND HOBBIES. SO IVE DECIDED TO STICK TO A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP ME FROM CRYING EVERY OTHER HOUR, EVERYDAY.

AS KNOWN I LOVE MUSIC, ALL MY LIFE IVE BEEN SORROUNDED BY IT. SO I DECIDED TO PICK UP MY GUITAR AGAIN. HAVENT TOUCHED IT FOR OVER 3 YRS... CRAZY. I TOLD WILLIAM I WILL COMMIT TO IT AGAIN AND LEARN MY TABS, THOUGH I KNOW HOW TO READ MUSIC, BUT KNOWING THEM TABS/CORDS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN READING. SO I'M HOPING TO BUY ME A BETTER GUITAR, PROLLY A NEW IBANEZ OR EPIPHONE ELECTRIC ACOUSTIC GUITAR. I ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO GET INTO IT. SO THAT WILL BE MY TREAT, FROM ME TO MY MIND. I HAVE A COUPLE SONGS I WOULD LOVE TO LEARN ON THE GUITAR ("LOVE SONG: BY SARA BAREILLES, "REALIZE" BY COLBIE C., AMONG OTHERS)

I ALSO WANNA SING MORE. PROLLY WRITE SOME TUNES, WRITE SOME MUSIC TO ACCOMPANY IT WITH THE GUITAR. I'V BEEN DIEING TO KARAOKE. I WANNA SING INFRONT OF A LARGE CROWD. THE RUSH IS AMAZING. SO I'LL PROLY GET INTO THAT TOO.

IMMA GET BACK INTO GAMING. I FINALLY HAVE MY INTERNET UP. TOMRW I GO WIRELESS, WHICH IS COOL. SO I CANT WAIT FOR THAT... GONNA TRY RO. YAMI AND WILLIAM SAYS ITS PRETTY COOL, SO WE'LL SEE. PROLY FINISH MY GUILDWARS.. WE'LL SEE.


SOMETHING ELSE I'M GETTING OUT OF MY WHOLE SITUATION IS THAT, I GUESS BECAUSE I'M SO DOWN AND SAD, I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE EATING... I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP ALL THE TIME (BCUZ I ALMOST FUCKED UP MY LIVER AND RUINED MY STOMACH WITH MY LITTLE "OD" INCIDENT..STUPID ME) SO IVE BEEN LOOSING WEIGHT CRAZY. IMMA START WORKING OUT ALOT. WORK MY ASS TO THE GROUND... ANYTHING TO KEEP ME FROM CRYING.

IVE BEEN INTO DRAWING. READING. AND JUST THINKING TOO MUCH.

I MISS HIM SO SO MUCH. IT HURTS TO KNOW HE'S WITH HER. HURTS TO KNOW HE'S NOT WITH ME. IDK IF HE'S THINKING ABOUT ME, DOES HE EVER? HE SAYS HE DOES. HE SAYS HE STILL FEELS THE SAME FOR ME, BUT HE'S GIVING THAT SHITTY "RELATIONSHIP" A LAST GO. I PRAY AND HOPE TO GOD THAT HE REALIZES SOONER THAN LATER THAT WE'RE MEANT TO BE... FOR OVER 5 YRS... AND HE KNOWS IT. HE'S AWARE OF THAT KNOWN FACT, HE ADMITS IT. I WILL WAIT. I WONT GIVE UP.

UPDATE: OPERATION HELLO KITTY (CODE) IS ON THE MOVE, HOPEFULLY THAT GOES WELL...

FOR NOW, WHILE I WAIT, I WILL OCCUPY MY MIND WITH FRUITFUL THINGS, THINGS THAT SOMEHOW BENEFIT ME.

SO, NO MATTER HAPPENS, I HAVE, AM AND WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH. HE KNOWS IT TO. HE KNOWS HE' HAS PLAYED WITH MY HEART AND KNOWS HE IS THE SOLE OWNER OF IT AT THE MOMENT. I CAN ONLY HOPE. FOR NOW I TRY TO TAME MY DEPRESSION...

absolutely nothing....sadly
:[

Breathing

(Inhale)
Tears begin to flood my face like a cup under a
Running faucet well after the water has reached the rim
My heart leaping to my throat,
Getting caught,
Squeezing,
Twisting,
Tearing.
My throat contracting around the emotions that threaten
To leap up & out of my lips,
My stomach,
Rumbling,
Wrestling,
Knotting.
My hands quiver as I reach up to blot the tiny tearsdrops
Leaving footprints down my cheeks.
The path that awaits me
Suddenly seems like a pilgrimage
One foot,
Next foot,
Step,
Step.
I see you
(I see her)
You smile
I smile
(She leaves)
You ask how I am
(I lie)
I reply I'm fine
(Eventhough my heart has just crept up into my mouth and is jumping up & down on my tongue)
I want to say I miss you
Let you know that every moment I'm awake I think of you
I want you to know that I miss your arms,
Your smile,
Your lips.
I want you to know that.
(Im incomplete)
My body hurts,
My soul bleeds.
I ask how you are
(Hoping against all hope that you'll tell me what I want to hear)
You reply
(Your answer not including that you miss me, that you miss my arms, my lips, my touch)
My eyes attempt to strip you down to your soul
(Searching for what I once knew so well)
They get lost
(But find their way back to reality when they gaze over the ever-fading hickey just above the collar of the shirt I bought you)
My heart leaps off the end of my tongue,
Wanting you to see the way you've hurt me
Wanting you to hurt the same way too.
My heart falls to the ground
(She calls you)
You hastily say "good-bye"
(As you trot over to her)
Stomping,
Squishing,
Mutilating,
My vulnerable, fallen heart.
(Not even pausing long enough to scrape it off the bottom of your shoe, like a discarded piece of gum)
She wraps her arms around your neck
Brings her lips to yours...
(Your ears still turn red)
People pass, as if I don't even exist
( I want to cry, scream, shout)
I want someone to find my heart
Bring it back
Piece it together.
I turn away
Hoping that one day it won't hurt
(As much)
And hoping that I will again be able to call you
And have you come over to me
Be able to buy you shirts that match your mood
(And leave the telltale hickey just above your collar)
And will still be able to make your ears turn red from the friction of our lips.
I walk away
Knowing my heart will not follow
(Exhale)

So its been very caotic, stressful, crazy, sad, happy, depressing, weird and just a "wtf" type 2 weeks...

I almost died, no surprise, and things are still unsure and unclear. No matter what continues to happen, i still have some hope that things will turn out good and make me happy/smile soon. I miss william when he's not with me, so very much. The very little that I am with him is amazing. It feels like he never left. I love him so much.

Yesterday we went to the beach, big shock, since we all are anti-beach people, but we did, we went. It was fun. I had a good time with my William, Yami and her William. The night ended marvelously, though at the end I had to do the toughest thing and say "goodbye". I hope to see him soon. I hope.

So here are some pics from yesterday.


Hope... thats all i have

:]

Seems somebody put out the moon
Now the road is a minefield
I can’t follow the way she moves
I can’t see past the shadows
You make the darkness disappear
I feel found when you stay near
I know where I am when you are here
My way becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You are the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

Seems somebody burned out the signs
I can’t expect the hard curves
There is no borders
There are no lines
How can I know where to turn?
You make the street lights reappear
I feel bright when you stand near
I know what I am when you are here
My place becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You’re the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive me soul?

Will I lose control?
You’re the only road that I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Drive my soul

When you’re gone
Will I lose control?
You’re the only road I know
You show me where to go
When you’re gone
Will I lose control?
You’re the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

-Lights

Life....at a moment, I thought was perfect, but like everything, I was wrong. I sit here and wait. Wait for the day he'll make me smile again. Though smile I do whenever I see him, talk to him or even think of him. He knows I'm here... just please, hurry.

I love you baby.

Sitting/cuddling next to my ♥ william, on my comfy couch, while he plays Brawl with the guys :]

Id give anything to stay like this •.•

Hopeless romantics believe in love and fairy tales. They dream of roses and candlelight, walking on the beach at sunset, and dancing in the rain. They know that somewhere out there is a knight in shining armour ready to carry them off, or a beautiful princess waiting to be carried off into the sunset. Hopeless romantics believe in true love, and the eternal bliss that comes from being united with one's soulmate is what they crave most.
Hopeless romantics recognize in themselves the ability to love infinitely deeply, and they ache to be loved with the same fervor in return. When a hopeless romantic has someone to lavish their affection on, lavish they do. Hopeless romantics sometimes write love letters full of poetic phrases and send flowers, but mostly they try to find a thousand thoughtful little ways to show their love. They make romance into an art form.
Hopeless romantics wear rose-colored glasses. In their eagerness to find "the one," a hopeless romantic may either be extraordinarily picky or not discerning enough. Hopeless non-romantics think that hopeless romantics are delusional and too intense. Other than the seeming futility in the search for a soulmate, nothing frustrates a hopeless romantic more than a significant other who does not understand the hopeless romantic temperament.
Sometimes, in this cynical world, it seems like the population of hopeless romantics is declining. One has only to look at the number of movies and songs about love that are currently popular to prove otherwise. It may also seem that there are many more hopelessly romantic women than romantic men. This isn't surprising in a culture where a man might get snapped at for opening the door for a woman. Men and women often have different ways of expressing their emotions, and the number of hopelessly romantic men is probably much higher than anyone could tell simply by observation.
Hopeless romantics are the idealists, the sentimental dreamers, the imaginative, and the fanciful. They give the world its once-upon-a-times and happily-ever-afters. Hopeless romantics may have their feet on the ground, but their souls fly somewhere over the rainbow.

John Mayer (my <3)

this is my boyfriend!




at islands of adventure



i <33 him!!

So we live in a world where needs and wants are at times confused with each other. What I trully 'need' I work hard to get and take care of. So far, all I've needed, I've succeeded in getting. I need my family, my friends, oxygen, 'basic needs', health and love. So far I have all those, thank god.
Here's what id love to have...my wants:
1. I want to move out.
2. I want to travel.
3. I want flowers.
4. I want to pay off my cars.
5. I want to sleep.
6. I want to watch all Stars Wars movies back to back.
7. I want some kick ass sun glasses.
8. I want to go to more concerts.
9. I want an etch-a-sketch.
10. I want to get married.
11. I want to start a family (eventually)..one baby boy :]
12. I want to go roller skating.
13. I want to swim with dolphins.
14. I want to cook for my boyfriend. (I will babe!)
15. I want to sing/kareoke.
16. I want to meet John Mayer.
17. I want to pay off my debts.
18. I want to see snow.
19. I want to take dance classes.
20. I want to kick some ass on a fighting video game (but all my friends/boyfriend are amazing :/)
21. I want to be romanticized.
22. I want to go on a hot air balloon ride.
23. I want to be kissed under the rain.
24. I want to go on a picnic.
25. I want to meet his friends.
26. I want to baby sit Michelle.
27. I want to be happy :]

NONE cuz i'm amazing!

not eating..therefore loosing weight :]

So...last week was very...weird... good and bad.

Bad: i thought that once again id be heart broken. for one day i felt the pain ive been used to for so long. but he came back and made it better.

good: resting. went to islands of adventure with my william. we had a blast. i <3 him SO much! he has been the only one able to convince me to get on all those crazy roller coasters. i tell ya, the effect he has on me.

thanks: i wanna thank my main biatch Yami and her William for being there for me when i need it the most. thanks for drivin me back home when im pissed drunk. you guys are just AMAZING.

hopeful: i can only wish for things to get better. i wanna be happy for a looooong period of time. i know life will have its rough patches but we can make it through. i only pray to God for happy times ahead.

TE QUIERO MI PENGUIN


i'll try to update again.

<33

"TYPE THING"

idk..lol...but I say that alot!

and SUKR!

My greatest accomplishment, SO FAR, has been surviving all the turmoil life presented me with. Getting back on my feet. Being able to smile once again.

So Yami is pestering me to post 10 random facts about myself.... i'll try my bestest

:]


1. I am terrified of windows.

2. I was once engaged. (BOOO)

3. I hugged an Orangutan once. :]]

4. I am horrible at deciding.

5. My boyfriend William Wong is half chinese...YUMMMM!!!

6. I was the second oldest peson in my graduating class (out of 526 kids)

7. Ive almost drowned twice...as in rescue/hospital involved. Serious shit.

8. I DETEST/HATE milk!! O.o#

9. I'm hypoglycemic.

10. I cry often :[ lol


HAPPY YAMI??!?!?!??111?!??!3343?!!!

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
The bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first , I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But there just soft light, there just soft light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
He told me i was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
and kissed me till the morning light, the morning light
and he kissed me till the morning light

Samson came back to bed
not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

so yay!! i'm back in the "relationship" staus... His name: William Wong. Friend for many many years. Always, since guitar class, had a thing for each other but did nothing about it. Now we're together and i couldnt ask for more. Problems arise, since the situation, for starters, was not that pretty for him... we're working things out and i just hope and wish to get to normality soon enough. he called me Mrs. Wong this morning... hehehe..LOVE IT! i cant wait to do so much with him. i see how the universe always seems to take some weird turn for the better and ofourse, at times, for the worse. for now i'm "ok"... smiling...ALOT. i'll def. keep you updated.

just thought id let you know.

:]]

Los nervios los tengo de punta!

(imma post this entry in spanish just for kicks)

Siento como si algo me hubiese caido mal. Estoy mariada y no paro de temblar. Esta es la manera que uno se siente al preder a un amigo. El saber que esta persona quiere que me olvide de su existencia. Nunca pense que llegaria a este punto, pero lo ha llegado. He tomado una decision para mi propio beneficio. Ingreida? Tal vez. Nunca pienso en mi misma, siempre en otros, pero por hoy decidi pensar en mi. El pensar en mi me a traido esto. Me siento mal porque la he conocido por varios años y realmente fue una buenisima amiga. Desafortunadamente no he hablado con ella hace mas de un año. Se que ahora hablare menos, mas bien, nunca con ella.

Vale la pena? Lo creo que si...por un lado.

Lo quiero. Bastante. Por varios años lo he tenido ahi, detras de mi menter, sin poder hacer nada. Infelices lo eran. De parte de los dos se quejaban. Yo no hacia nada por respesto a ellos. Ultimamente todo ha cambiado. Mis emociones y sentimientos hacia el se han intensificado y lo quiero mas que nunca.

Ella me envio un mensaje de texto por telefono. Me dice que nunca fui su amiga. Dijo que si lo quiero que me lo da. Ella no lo necesita mas. Me pidio que me olvidara de su existencia.

Realmente un golpe en la mente y no se que hacer. Quiero hablar con el, para ver que paso. Espero que esto pase pronto porque realmente me siento como la come mierda de esta historia.

domi

I'm the other,
not 'the' one.

Always coming in second.

I'm like the flower that's over shadowed by this magestic tree, but still slightly beautiful.

I sit outside on this dark day and wonder,

"Is it worth it?"

"Should I sit here and wait, wait for a day that will, most likely, never come?"

I'm sure this flower will grow on a dark day. Grow so beautiful that no one will notice the tree standing tall behind her.

That day is not to come soon.
For now, I'll be the other. Not 'the' one.

....with and ex boyfriend :]


Are you down??

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

SOOOO I FINALLY MOVED INTO MY NEW POSITION/DEPT. MARKETING AT FPL. PRETTY COOL. SUUUUPER CHILL! LIKE 20 SUM CALLS THE WHOOOOLE DAY. ANNND SINCE WE'RE IN TRAING BAY, WE'RE S'POSE TO BE HIT WITH LIKE CRAZY CALLS, BUT NOTHING.

SOOO YEA. MY DESK/CUBICLE IS IIGHT. I MISS YAMI LIKE MAD CRAZY! SHE'S AGES AWAY FROM ME. I DECORATED MY PLACE AND MADE IT ALL "DOMINIQUE"...

SO WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES IN THIS NEW POSISTION. PRETTY IIIGHT FOR NOW. CALLS ARE EVEN BETTA!!

PEACE HOMEZ!

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it !!!!

I'm so exhausted!

Dont know why. I think its that shitty "illness" i have. Hypo'kiss-my-ass'glycemia. Low fucking sugah!

I'm just so so tired..


bleh..i'm 21 now...Havent really gotten drunk yet... lol... grrr

oh well, my time to really party will come :]


cheers!

So the day I've been looking forward to for a very long time is only 24 hrs away! My 21st birthday!

I'm getting so old! Geez! Feels like just yesterday I graduated from high school. Time flies.

So imma go all out for the 21st anniversary of my day of birth! Flavour on friday! Can't wait! Got my cute little outfit. Party like crazy! Yami... I LOVE YOU for hooking it up drastically!

Can't wait!

Drinks....yum.

Yay can't wait.

Another year. Alone/single but with awesome friends and my amazing family.

I will live to the fullest. Forget the past and only learn from it. Have fun... work... travel... and be me... my goals!

Can't wait for tomorrow!!!

...To be seen as the chick to fool around with...

Sucks...

...to fall for people...

Sucks...

...to let people enter and touch...

Sucks...

...to see others happy...

Sucks...

...to fucking cry...

Sucks...

...to be tired of waiting...

Sucks...

...to be me...



How lame was this.. I just feel lame at the moment. I'll get over it. Grrr

Mhhm.. Passed out yesterday @ work. Was feeling super bad all of the sudden. Got very dizzy and my blood pressure dropped. I got up for a sec and then ::splat:: flat on the floor. Since I couldn't feel my hands I couldn't get up. Thank God Yams was there til late last night. So anyways, I'd always been sick but that topped it off, sooooo I went to the doctor today...... turns out... reason why I haven't been able to eat... I have a hernia in my stomach... but the worse part, reason why I passed out and my blood drops down is that, I found out today, I am at the beginings of having hypoglycemia... diabetes... uurrgghh sucks for me! But the Doc says its treatable and hopefully it'll get good.

What a way to start a year...


So to sum it all up, I'm suck. LoL

I like eating ice.

I like it when it freezes my tongue.

I like trying to talk when my tongue is frozen.



I'm bored.

I'm bored at work.

I'm bored at work and there is no one to talk to.



I wonder, does it feel good to have someone's FROZEN tongue inside your mouth? Like when kissing? Like after eating tons of ice? Hmmm...never tried it.

::note to self::


I wanna see "Cloverfield" so bad! I went on friday to see it. I was pretending to be strong enough to be independent and walk in to the theater by myself. But I couldn't do it. I hate being alone. So, while in line to buying my movie ticket, and seeing all of these couples holding hands and hugging, and while I stand there alone trying to not care, someone opened the waterworks. So I left. Crying. How much do I suck.

I hope I get over this soon enough. Its making me sick.

Blah

Whether we know it or not, we all live in an active battlefield everyday. There are wars that can be heard and seen all over the world but from these wars we can run away and hide. However, there are those small wars that we never hear of and go unseen. Microscopic wars between organisms that we believe to be unimportant. The flora and fauna go through these, yet somehow they manage to survive. Its all about survival of the fitest. But what about those other wars that only one knows about? Those internal battlefields that we serve as host. Wars that become bloodier and heavier than wars fought with guns. These wars that one carry inside. Wars in which we carry the label of both the 'good guy' and the 'bad guy' at the same time. What is one to do when only we understand whats going on? Demons dressed in white and red boil inside of us. Our minds constantly flooded with questions of 'why' and 'how' and 'when'. These demons pick at our brians. Pick at our hearts. They pick with the memories of them... Of he... Of she. Now gone. Been gone. But this war continues to ruin our self being. Not allowing us to live a peaceful life. What to do when this war seems never ending? What to say when we hurt others because of the fragile state we are in. We call ourselfs stupid and problematic because we've found no way on how to end these wars. But that's whats wrong. The miserable part of it. We, the host, allow these demons to roam inside us and we feed them with questions that shouldnt be asked. We give them reason to stay. We dont allow friendly smiles, or caring gestures or anyone willing to help with the restoration of the fortress that once was at peace and in love. In love, isnt that what one wants? Isnt that what you're looking for? If the chance is not given for others to try and love thee, you will never be able to kick these demons out of these war battlefields in which the sector of exit gets tougher and tougher to get out of. We build a realm that gets harder to understand. We cross to a territory, once foreign to us. But now that we are current residents, nay, citizens, we must and have to find ways to a solution for the ending to this war. Allow others or just one, to enter the battlegrounds and fight for you. A well fought war is an ended war. Wars end when the right ally comes to aid. No matter how much we hear about holy wars, or rather, very un-holy wars, these wars we carry inside are among the toughest ones. Goes back to survival of the fittest. Surviving our very own war is possible if we let it.

So let it.... survive.

1. It was my best friends 21st B-day. I was working and couldn't go to her party.

2. I got sick. So sick I lost my voice 3 times at work.

3. I had some weird allergic reaction on my hands that freaked the living shit outta me.

4. Some asshole breaks into my house and among the things that he stoled, he took the one thing I take care of the most. My laptop.

5. My mom almost got fucking killed. While working (school bus driver) her bus got shot at 5 times. They couldn't get the shooter. Extremely scary. The thought of loosing 'the' most important person in my life, kills me.

6. Once again, I'm terribly heart broken. The guy that has made me happy for the last weeks decided it was no good, our relationship. I hurt so much. I don't know if to be mad, sad, disappointed or careless. Either way, I miss him so so much. I wish it works out for him. Want him to know that I'm always here either way. And I also want to thank him for making me smile. Had not done that in a really long time.

7. I cried SO much my eyes still hurt.

8. Hate seeing my mom worried about me. The last thing I want is to have my mother worried about me. But she loves me and hates to see me cry/hurt. So a fake smile would have to do.

9. I went off to Key West at 12 midnight and got home at 8am the next day which leads to being EXTRA tired and sleep deprived. My ass, legs and arms hurt because of the 6 hr drive.

10. Though I loved my trip and the time I took for myself on the road, I put about 300 miles on my car :[ It finally reached 6000 miles. Not bad for having it one full year.

11. On my way back I was speeding (cuz I love doing so) Fucking cop stopped me. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. I was absolutely freaking out. He was very nice and cute and only gave me a fine. He saw me teary eyed and asked me if I was ok. Told him my story and said he was "sorry and to be careful"... gave me a sad smile :[

12. I miss the guy that made me smiled ::tears::

13. I can't eat. I need to go to the doctor. Like seriously.

So how's that for a bad week. My life sucks.

You were many wonderful things to many wonderful people before you met him. Dont let this one event define who you are. Ease up, look forward, and let yourself like yourself again.




I need a therapist.....lol

When we are in pain, the warmth of sunlight and the slendor of spring are a slap in the face. Springtime is the worse time because the world refuses to match our mood. Everything that was sweet has turned bitter. Sunlight, moonlight, even the memories that we thought would last forever, are suddenly grey and not important. If your friends insist that getting up and taking a walk would do you good, you know they are wrong, since you'd prolly feel worse. I have permission to feel rotten on a glorious, sunlit day. So what if for a moment I felt like the queen of my own Shakespearean drama, I am afterall, human. To be fully human we must feel this kind of pain. "We begin to live when we have conceived life as a tragedy". So yes, I've had my bit of tragedy, and will begin to live and feel things more deeply, including love when it comes again.

I lean my head against the wall and let the breeze touch my face. The one thing that touches my face and understands the things I'm going through. This breeze, I'm sure, has before me, touched many other faces. Faces of anger, agony, despair, confusion, love, and happiness. It understands that being there, caressing my emotions will help alleviate the pain I'm going through.

Its so peaceful, gentle and soothing. All the right ingredients needed for me to get up from this floor and try to move on.

Move on.

Harsh words, believe it or not. Where do we 'move' on to? Where were we going before that caused us to stop for some time and now we need to continue 'moving on'? I never stopped moving. I guess I just took a wrong turn. A turn that led me to a valley of despair and anguish. A valley that seemed familiar for its physical appearance but evidently this valley had been isolated by its previous habitants and no longer functioned or opened its doors to new visitors. Visitors that would've made it into the once beautiful life-loving valley it once was.

After being kicked out from there, I'm back on this road, alone. Seems like that's the course specifically designed for me. I've been given the hard task of walking alone. Though I see all those who do care about me in the sidelines, I'm still alone. No one to hold hands with and say 'I love you'.

I'm back at the same place I always end up. I'll figure my way around this crazy map that life has drawn up for me.

For now the breeze picks up my tears and sorrows and takes them to a place not reccommended for the faint at heart. I let the breeze take me there.


For now I just... 'move'

Sitting outside... looking at my tree... heineken... tears.









This sight is quite pathetic



Like me

harsh word??

not when it comes to descibing work.

i hate taking calls... i will blow up one day!


uurrgghh

LOOKY....

Some of my outcomes are quite true...

December 31st....

I'm at work....

Absolutely NOTHING to do!

When boredom strikes, nails get bitten, the internet gets savaged, and sleep begins to take over one's brain.

I tried leaving early, but unfortunately I was granted only 15 mins.

So today, December 31st, I will be leaving work at 10:45pm.

To make it all worse, tomorrow, the 1st of January, I get in back at work at 7am.

This sucks... HUGE ones to!